Wednesday, May 11, 2016

free writing

I'm so tired this morning... It's still early. I didn't sleep well at all. I can't stop thinking about my ex. I'm wondering if we'll ever get together again. I know how unlikely and hard that would be. I have hope that Divorce Care will help her see that we made a commitment to each other to stand by each other no matter what. I ruined everything. I have to prove to her that I am who I believe I am, a successful, hard working man that now has his shit together. I'm not who I once was. I've been redeemed. I owe it to the program and a God that never stops walking with me. I pray for things and they just seem to happen. I'm hoping my prayers for reconciliation are well placed. I just want to make it all right again, and be the man I was when Lynn and I got together over 5 years ago. I want what I had. I am prepared to have it not be my ex, but I still love her. My heart breaks when I think of all of the hard times she went through last Summer. I did it. The meds not working helped that along, but I still did it. I claim all responsibility for my actions. She says she has forgiven me. I can't forgive myself. I would love to go home again.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Free writing

Dancing in the shimmering moonlight. I wish. There are so many times that I wish the moonlight would shine my way. However sometimes it's the sunlight that is so mesmerizing... The light or the dark. It's the question I always ask myself... I tend to think of myself as whatever makes you happy kind of guy, but in these situations I'm finding myself doing the things I hate the most. I'm liking it though. The job is interesting, and I love the people. There seems to be a bit of grit with the people I work with. The opportunity to live in a hotel and have basically no bills except paying people back, and getting an Apple Watch. I can pay people and move forward. Prayers are being answered. Apathy kills Hank. Does that feel like apathy to you? Problems that were once a problem, like a place to live, is now a problem because there are so many options. You know that once I expected better I got it.The next thing is this job. I can't imagine finding happiness. It doesn't matter that once you get married everything turns to shit. For what it's worth I miss it. All the problems seem to fade away. I have forgotten them. They are real. The real stuff is real. Imagine that. I'm just a fading problem. She'll forget because that ship sailed long ago. Can you get free water at Quick Trip? I found out that you can, just bring in a coffee cup. I think that's all I have for the night. Sweet dreams, love you Lynn. I always will.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

NYE... Should have I eaten those lil smokies from last week?

As a new year approaches I tend to reflect on the NYE's of the past. What I did. Who I was with. All of that simple stuff. This year is a start of a whole new chapter in life. I've completely checked out of the idea that I will ever be a cook professionally again. I've said it before, but I'll never go back to that life. I want what everyone wants. Life/Work balance. That means a lot. When you like who you're with it makes it harder to be gone for holidays and stuff. I just hope that someone else will be manning the stove tomorrow, or there are going to be some hungry people. I'm constantly asked why I would want to be away from the career I loved, and returned to again, and again, and again. It's glamour. I've always accused people of going to culinary school because of the perceived glamour involved with the job. Let me tell you... There is nothing glamorous about cooking eggs for a bunch of asshats on Christmas morning at 6:30am. Truth is, I hated it as much as I loved it, and I may not have been good at it anymore. This person who at 25 loved the restaurant business more than he loved his wife, at the time, didn't do it for glamour. He loved the rush. He loved the craft. I don't anymore. My boss didn't like me either. Maybe because I wasn't as good as that 25 year old was? Or maybe I wasn't good because the food was crap? Maybe. While the end was not pretty, the future is huge, and bold. I look back on '14 as a year of learning. I started a new career. One that is incredibly hard, and takes some getting used too. I left behind a past. 2015 is going to be awesome. I can't wait actually. I have huge goals. Huge ambition, and a life to grab ahold of and make happen. I know who I am. I'm learning to communicate who I am. That's most important. I love life. I love my wife. I love my job. I love what tomorrow means. Happy New Year!

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Winter Time Blues... And HyVee downtown?

I really need a dose of Spring. We are so close to warmer days, more sunshine, and fresh vegetables grown locally. I'm personally looking forward to starting my own garden this year. The Downtown Farmers Market on Saturday mornings is great, but to watch something grow, dream about what you'll cook with it, and then actually making it for yourself, and a few good friends, is sublime. Eggplants, tomatoes, and summer squashes, are what I'm dreaming of right now. I'm busy reading recipes, reading gardening books, and ordering seed catalogs, all in preparation for what will be an awesome summer. Right now getting ready for the upcoming growing season is what is keeping me going during what has been a really dark, snowy, cold as heck season. Oh yeah... 2 inches of snow expected tomorrow. Cant wait...


I read a few minutes ago that the city is thinking of putting a HyVee supermarket downtown on the site of a parking lot. While I understand that Downtown is a growing in leaps and bounds right now, and residents need a place to shop, this is just a bad idea. Why in the middle of The Court Ave. District? Would a spot in some other area be better? The area needs more parking. It's hard enough right now to find parking in the area. Taking away the spot where most vendors of the Saturday market park is simply a bad idea. It shows how behind the City of Des Moines is right now. The other two choices where interesting. A proposed movie theatre is a bad idea. The second is a permanent enclosed, year round, farmers market. That would be ideal. Healthy, high quality groceries would be perfect there. Like a Whole Foods, but without the corporate structure, and garbage that goes along with that. Lets hope they come to their senses.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Farmers Market Saturdays

Today was a great day. It was 60 degrees, sunny, and of course, Saturday. That means there is a farmers market in the Court Avenue area in Downtown. The market is filled this time of year with the sights and sounds of Fall. Lots of root vegetables, beautiful locally grown brussel sprouts, and gourds and squashes of all kinds. Today I bought some of all of those things, some local garlic, and a great pork shoulder from a local farmer. We also sampled a couple awesome pastries from La Mi, and some of the worst BBQ I have ever tasted. The coffee from Java Joe's was still amazing, and the cheese curds were, well, cheesy. There are also some beautiful flowers for my wife. I love Saturday. Remember that right now there are a ton of people out of work because of the government shutdown, people without Federal Aid, like WIC, along with the already hungry all over the country. Please give to your local food pantry, and remember that protein items like tuna and peanut butter are needed desperately. I feel lucky to be so blessed that I am not hungry today. Remember, food is precious.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


I started reading Michael Ruhlman's new book, Ratio, the day it was released. First just thumbing through it, then this week reading more in depth. Wow! What a great read, it was like unlocking a door that I had just peeked through before. I even went out and ordered a great scale so that I could measure the ratios more exactly. A cup of flour isn't always a cup of flour, but 100 grams of flour is right on the money every time.

I'll be posting more about this book as I read through it. So far it's been amazing.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Pineapple Sherbet

1 can crushed pineapple
Juice of 3 lemons
2 egg whites
1/4 c. sugar
1/2 c. sugar
Put pineapple and lemon juice in freezer and chill both. Whip the egg whites until stiff. Add 1/4 cup sugar. Mix the pineapple, lemon juice and beat egg whites and add 1/2 cup sugar. Put the mixture into freezer. Fill freezer with whipping cream (not whipped) or milk. This recipe makes 1/2 gallon of sherbet.

Fantastic recipe for spring or summer